Perfection- A Poem

I want to
lose myself to
the moment.
Any moment.
I want to know that feeling
of complete and utter
anadonment of common sense,
just so I can follow my own heart.

Instead,
I have too much sense.
my heart feels encased by
feelings of guilt and terror,
wrapped up in my own selfisness.

I want to love.
I want to know the feeling in
that moment when you know
for sure
that love is true, is powerful.
I'm sure that love
would push out all the guilt I'm holding,
shoved back into the
farthest corners of my mind.
Not wanted, but always present.

I am
fitted,
pushed,
prodded,
into a mold.

I need to express.
I need to express the feelings
that I'm clutching like a life belt.
Afraid of drowning.

But I want to drown.
I want to drown in feelings so
strong they simply sweep you away.
It must be the most beautiful way to die.

Instead, I drown in pain.
Instead, I drown in hate.

The world is drowning in hate.
Again.
Only this time, I truly am afriad
there'll be no life belt
to hang on to.
Nobody to struggle to cling to.

Just that perfect,
inescapable mold,
laughing on the sidelines.
Sneering.
Saying:
"You were stupid enough
to fall for me."

And when nobody can cling on to
that mold any longer,
we'll all be exposed as the
imperfect, monstrous creatures
we are.
You may be afraid.
But I am not.

Because who really wants to be perfect?