My Son

Skin as soft as velvet
Untouched by work
Or force
And pain
Encased in mine
While mine has felt
Work,
Many years of it, oh yes,
Too much force
Plus pain
So much that those scars run
Too deep for medicine to heal at all
But I protect him
And everyday I love him
I want to save him
My little son
From everything I
Have endured
He will not feel
The things I suffered
He will stay
Unaware
Of all the horrible things
Right now
He’s too young
He’s only ready for love
What would happen if
The force of the world
Hit him all at once
Like a brick?

Separation

A one word question
Hangs in the air
Why?
Behind the word
Though it seems so harmless
There lurks a pain
That engulfs and reaches
Towards you
To pull you in to its
Cold embrace

And even though
They cry all night
You leave them behind
Thinking that if you
Ignore the pain
The pain won’t follow

But, oh, yes, it does follow
This time renewed
With fresh feelings and words

But it’s too late
You’ve made your choisce
The separation
Is your choice
You love them,
Yes,
But do you love her?

And you find yourself talking
In hushed tones
To the stars at night
High in the sky
These words hang low
Over your world
Separated
By choice
From the ones you love

Old Woman

Her face
Weathered with lines
Etched deep into
Her soul
The darkness of pain
Clouds her visions

But a passion
Deep and fiery
Shows in her eyes
From her very core
I feel reverberating
Peace
Love
Happiness
That’s what she wants
But who ever gets
What they want?

Safe Embrace

His hands
Strong and thick
Wrapped around mine
Soft touch
Warm embrace
The scent of him
Overwhelms my head
I feel drowsy
Sinking
Slowly
Into his arms
Once more
At peace

A Novelty- Chapter One

When I was a child, I was brought up in Lamberg, Transliva, in the hills. I was isolated from other people, the only other human being I ever met was my caretaker, Merrie. She was far from merry, but I was accustomed to her ways, and I knew she loved me.

Of course, I had seen others before, many in fact, strolling through the hills, either merely for a picnic, or some epic journey. Really, I would never know, because I was forbidden to talk to anyone. Besides, no one ever seemed to take notice to our cottage, hidden between two small hills. This fact killed me, and so I made a story up for each and every one of them. I found it quite amusing to pretend that man there was a peddler, going from town to town, selling his wares. Or that woman was a gypsy who told fortunes and could see the future. I would write my stories down, and then prepare to play it out for Merrie when she came with my midday meal. It was the way I kept myself sane. And preoccupied.

I had other things, too, but I always felt like they were a waste of time. The only toys, per say, that I ever paid attention to were the china dolls Merrie used to bring me every year. I used to cling to those dolls, and every year, the eve before my birthday, as Merrie tucked me in, I would remind her about my dolls. She used to bring me other things, too, fine things such as silk and embroidered tapestries to hang on the walls, but soon she stopped bringing such fine things. I didn't know why, I preferred it that way, in the end. I liked living, what I called, plainly. I would say I only needed those dolls for my plays, but in actuality, they were my life line. They were my view into the outside world.

I never knew why Merrie left me every night, and between every meal. There were also no sharp things in my little cottage up in the hills, not even a knitting needle, but that too slipped my mind.

Merrie used to say that age didn't matter, and that I shouldn't care how old I was, but I did anyways. Merrie said time was a nuisance, and that I didn't need anything to tell time with. I disagreed. I used to watch the sun move through the sky to tell the time, and at the end of every day I would make a scratch mark on the side of the wall with the only thing that barely had an edge: the locket.

I was born with that locket, and the strange thing was, it couldn't come off. There was no clasp, and it was so tightly wound around my neck, there was no way I could pull it off. One day, and I remember this clearly, when Merrie left me for too long, and I was angry, I tried breaking the chain. It came away easily in my hands, as if it was slippery rope that had been tied loosely. I was in wonder, because three years earlier, when Merrie had caught me making marks on the wall, she had tried to take the locket off my neck, but no matter how she pulled it wouldn't budge. Merrie was three times stronger than I was. I didn't have time to understand that, though, because that was when I was finally able to take a good look at the locket.

That locket was possibly the most beautiful thing I had even seen in my life, counting the tapestries and the rugs and the dresses Merrie used to bring me. The design was so intricate, so deeply etched into the shining silver, I was filled with awe. In fact, the silver itself was magnificent. It was so slippery and almost... watery, that no matter how I much dirt or grass I threw on it, it would slip off, unharmed, leaving the silver as bright and beautiful as before my attempts.

That night, though, as I saw Merrie trudging through the hills, looking exhausted, I felt badly, and I didn't want to upset her, so I panicked. I tried putting the locket back on, and to my relief, the chain seemed to slide together easily, as if they had merged. I remember, after Merrie had given me supper and dragged me to bed, I lighted the single candle again, and searched for a mark in the chain that would signal where I had broken it. Nothing, not so much as a dent, even though I had tried smashing the whole thing against the stone wall.

After that, I was more careful with the locket. Even though I was still only a child, I was smart, and I realized that, somehow, the locket that I had worn since forever, was special. And, although it scared me, it seemed like something I shouldn't throw dirt on.

When I had thirteen dolls, almost fourteen in fact, I remember Merrie didn't come home the whole day. I sat near the window, staring out the whole time. I didn't think. I didn't even care that I was starving and so dehydrated that I could barely stay awake. That day, I remember thinking that I couldn't survive without her. I wouldn't be able to.

When she came back, I was so angry, I hid in with the broom and rags. I wanted her to feel like she couldn't live without me. But she didn't even seem to take notice. She went about, making dinner, mixing some strange drink of herbs, and remaking my bed. I thought she would want to sweep the floor, and then would see me in with the rags, but she didn't. In fact, she looked... hurried.

I remember seeing her leave the meal on the small table, light a small candle, and pour me some of the mixed drink. I remember seeing her leave a bundle on the table. I remember seeing her put something heavy down on top of the bundle. And I remember seeing her leave. I remember not being able to call out to her, and I remember not being able to move. I couldn't. I could only stare. And then she left. She left me, forever. And Merrie, Merrie didn't come back.

Always There

Her face, long and narrow
Her eyes, slitted in tight
Her nose, small and tender
Her lips, rosy and full
Her hands, small and delicate
Her hips, pointed and large
Her hair, dark and flowing

His face, rounded and cocked
His eyes, large and innocent
His nose, big and bulbous
His lips, tightly pressed and anxious
His hands, large and thickly veined
His hair, short and golden-brown

Apart only each other
Together only themselves
Importance
Nothing
Honor
Gone
Pain
Always present
Physical?
No
Emotional?
Yes.
Always....
There.......
Watching.

The Lone Dancer

Her movements so graceful
All of the world
Goes silent beneath you
Pausing momentarily with the wistful music
Silenty
Moving on stretched, pointed toes
Curl together
Press the fear away
Still she moves through
The eyes,
They do not bother her
Pushing
Against her fear and her pain
Lifting her head up high to match her beautiful pirouette
Although alone
Although afraid
She keeps going
Always the
Lone dancer

The Northern Stage Production of Black Beauty the Musical

Hey, by the way, if anyone would like to who's in the area, please come and see the Northern Stage production of Black Beauty the Musical. I'll be doing something in it- running the backstage in some way (hey- maybe sound board again) or maybe acting. Who knows? Maybe I'll be the back end of the horse!

Boys- What is their code?

I don't understand boys one bit. I mean, who do they think they are? When they like a girl, they act weird towards her. I just don't get how they WORK. And how am I supposed to get the one I like to like me back if I don't know how boys work?

If anyone can enlighten me, please, do.

Circus Training

Hola everyone! I just wanted to add some pictures.... better than doing work!


In the picture on the top left: (from left to right, from bottom to top)
Jared, Cormac, Max, Me, Riley, Molly, and that teacher lady who's name I really don't remember...

And of course across from here on the left is a boot-iful picture of Jared, and of course, Jared is wearing a diaper... Haha no, not really.That would've been funny though. I would have laughed. Hard.

Anywhoo. This was at circus training. The first one. I'm in the Northern Stage Ensemble (Google it people. I'm tired of explaining.) and Jody wanted us to learn some circus skills. And everyone, if you don't know Jody, what Jody says is law.

LOST

A crash and then a whistle
Startles me awake once more
Hurry
Brake
Jolt
Screams
Until once more the world is quiet
The heavy labored breathing of the ones in the darkness
Hushed once more

Her scent is like musty pine trees
Infused with salty tears
Not at all like Mama,
No,
Who smelled strongly of lilac.

Although a stranger
She holds me tight against her
Whispers strange, incoherent words of
Love and strength

The feeling of belonging overwhelms me
Is this what it feels like to be
Loved?
Again?

For once in my life
I let it all go
I sob and I shiver
And I quake at the sound
Of the world going silent
Beneath me once more

The shadows of heaven
Engulfing all around me
Swirling upwards towards the music
Playing
Lovely
Can't you hear it?

I hold her tightly to me
Although I'm surely slipping away
Upwards,
Until I can no longer feel the woman's touch,
Even though I seem to be there still.

The lovely tinkling of bells
And the strange smell of lilac
Before me, headed towards me
The whispers of the ones that are loved
Forever...
Lost